i'm talking carelessly...

goodbye my lover...

2006-05-10T00:03:14Z

i am attempting not to watch the gilmore girls season finale right now and wait for john. it's very difficult hence the journal update. let's see not much is new with me other than the fact that school is over and i think i broke my arm yesterday. yeah so my arm is KILLING me because i'm an idiot and fell off the couch and my elbow bent the wrong way and cracked. it was awesome. and what a lame way to break your elbow. i mean come on! why couldn't i have been like...jumping off a cliff and hang gliding or something?

i think i'm going to be moving again. john and i aren't renewing our lease at this apartment because it'll be too expensive come fall. he is probably moving back in with his parents and i'm probably moving out east somewhere. probably new jersey but maybe vermont. we'll see i guess. i'm excited in a way because i'm dying to get out east because let's face it, we all know that's where i belong. i'm just really not looking forward to having a long distance relationship again. i thought that was over. but oh well. i'm confident that john and i will be able to handle living a thousand miles away from each other. i will miss friends though. i feel like i just came back and now i'm leaving again. story of my life i guess.

okay i really want to go watch gilmore girls now. later!

so bored...

2006-03-25T16:35:03Z

41 Things You'd Never Think to Ask...

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
ha no not really. i've been searched at the airport though. apparently preppy chick with a backpack equals suspicious
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
hell no!!! and i don't scream, i laugh my ass off
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
i have no idea it's been a long time
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
with john if it's a good sleeping night. sometimes i just can't sleep then i sleep in the guest room because i don't want to wake him
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
you can't know john's family and not believe in them...so that's a yes
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
yeah no. not at all.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
umm...duh
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Team Aniston all the way
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
oh i love politics. the other day i watched cnn for like 2 hours straight because bush's press conference was on. i was so excited. i'm a dork.
10. Do you know how to play poker?
ha! no. people have tried to teach me but i'm an idiot.
11. have u ever been awak for 48 hours stright?
why yes i have.
12. What's your favorite commercial?
right now probably the sour patch kids ones.
13. Who was your first true love?
john
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
no, with my luck there would be some secret high tech cop device in the light so that they saw me and rush to pull me over. or there would just be a cop hiding in the bushes.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
i'm a big box of secrets
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
red sox all the way
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
ha! i started ice skating when i was like 2. and i played hockey.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
no usually and when i do they are absolutely insane!
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
i don't know probably a couple days ago
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
sure i could name a ton
21. What's the one thing on your mind?
more coffee!!! i don't want to go to work.
22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
nope i believe in lust at first sight and that can turn into love but you need to really know someone to love them
23. Do you know who Ba-Ba-Booey is?
i've heard of him but i don't remember who he is
24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
of course
25. What talent do you wish you had?
i want to play the piano and the guitar
26. Do you like Sushi?
no it's gross
27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Yes
28. What do you wear to bed?
i really don't like to wear pants to bed but whatever i can find for a shirt will do
29. Have you ever been caught stealing?
Nope, i've never stolen anything
30. Does size matter?
depends
31. Do you truly hate anyone?
no not really
32. rap or rock?
100% rock
33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
it's a toss up between colin firth and ewan mcgreggor. they are both fantastic
34. Do you know anyone in jail?
i know people who were in jail but are out not
35. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror ?
yes i have. not with a hairbrush or anything though
37. What food do you find disgusting?
mushrooms...i just really don't like those mushy rooms
38. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
no
39. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
if i have it's something that they knew i made fun of them for
40. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Yes
41. Have you ever been punched in the face?
no, thank God. i would cry lots and lots.

i bless the rains down in africa...

2006-02-27T05:10:35Z

i needed this weekend so badly. thank you to all of my wonderful friends. courto and heidi-ho on friday night and mostly to stef and melissa on saturday night.

i feel like crap for some things i did in the past week. i could have handled them better and i suck. i hate letting people down even when i can't help it.

i turn 21 in two days. i am excited but i have no money to do anything fun. oh well. dinner with stef and melissa on wednesday. i'm pretty sure they are the most fun people ever.

i got car insurance. and tomorrow i'm registering my car and getting my license renewed. i wish life weren't so expensive. it would be much easier.

too many people have been dying lately and i've decided that it needs to stop now. seriously.

i'm pretty sure this is the worst song ever but i still love it so much. oh toto i <3 you.

i'm too tired to be awake anymore and my feet are freezing.

goodnight.

p.s. i'm pissed at the llama too.

in connecticut

2006-02-10T18:47:57Z

this is so hard...

firedancer165 @ 2005-12-10T12:36:00

2005-12-10T17:39:06Z

dear santa,
all i want for christmas is a pair of shoes that:
a.) don't make my feet smell so bad john can smell them
b.) don't make my feet hurt so bad i can't stand the next day
c.) aren't ugly granny shoes

thank you,
christine bellew

this one's for stef

2005-12-05T03:10:01Z

Take the quiz: "What clothing store are you?"

Prada
Looking the best is the most impportant ting...Who cares about the money...its your dads anyway...

i'm just a day behind...

2005-09-02T02:07:52Z

i know it's been forever and 3 years since i've written in here but i've had so much going on lately that i just haven't gotten the chance to sit and write. or maybe it's that i don't want to... i don't know. let's see...well this month hasn't really been the greatest for me or for my family. my brother's girlfriend died a couple weeks ago. she was a really great girl and only 17 it was really tragic and it makes me so sad that i couldn't have gotten to know her better. now i'm just so worried about my brother. i wish that there was something i could do for him but i'm afraid there isn't much because i'm so far away. but luckily i'm going to visit my family in New Jersey in october. yay!!! i'm excited already. in other news, my cousin TJ who has lived in new orleans for the past few years made it to new york before the hurricane really hit. he doesn't know what he's going to do now because basically he doesn't have a job down there anymore. their house is supposedly okay but most of his patients lived in the city of new orleans. so much tragedy down there. my heart goes out to those people who are stranded down there. i was watching cnn today and some guy was blaming all of those people who where still in the city because he said they should have gotten out. that pissed me off because i'm sure there were people that either had nowhere to go or they didn't have the money or the means to leave the city. it's just so sad.

on another note, i started school this week. i guess right now i'm just kind of in a daze because it's all just been a bit of a blur for me. my classes seem pretty cool and the one that i have with stef should be fun because the professor is fun. work is another story though. i'm going to look for a new job because i've been working at JCPenney for way too long and i'm so sick of it it's ridiculous. i don't even care if i take a pay cut at this point.

okay that's all for this entry i don't have anything new to update so i'm going to get ready for bed.

thoughts...

2005-06-24T07:40:12Z

i'm moving back to michigan at the end of july. i'm excited that i'll be close to friends again but at the same time i'm wishing that i was moving closer to family. i miss them alot and i hate that i don't get to see my brother play hockey or lacross. that sucks. oh well i guess. it's only for a few years then i'll be back east. i am looking forward to that.

i hate that i can't sleep right now. i'm so tired but i just can't get to sleep. i'm sure when i get off the computer i'll just go into bed and read. at least i don't work till 5 tomorrow.

i want to find a new apartment now because i already feel bad about having to stay at john's parents house. i hate not having any family whatsoever near.

apartments in michigan are so cheap!!! score!

it's fucking hot in here and i hate it. tomorrow it's supposed to be like 100 degrees. augh! die.

i like this song. it's pretty.

i'm broke and i have bills to pay. being an adult sucks.

i'm going to vermont next friday. woohoo! i can soak up some more cancer and be tan again! i love it!

one of the girls that i work with wants to get high, drunk, and watch porn with me and danielle. she is strange. but it sounds like fun minus the whole high thing and maybe the porn thing too.

the last week of july will be one big party and i can't wait. work partys and then stef party when i get back to flushing. excitement.

speaking of excitement, when i saw christina and melissa last week or a couple weeks ago (i don't remember when) it was about the greatest thing ever.

i need to finish an application tomorrow.

i need to get some sleep. i'm done.

goodnight.

if i could change the world...

2005-05-14T19:04:17Z

i know i haven't written in this in over a month but i really haven't wanted to, or i haven't really had anything to write. this week has been strange for me. my manager is being nice to me...really nice. i don't know what to think. last night he let me go home because i wasn't feeling well and he told me that he hopes i feel better. i figured he would say something more along the lines of "go die." i guess there's hope for him after all.

john is away in michigan and i'm feeling a little bit lonely. i thought i would love and welcome the time to be by myself but i'm not liking it that much.

i miss stef, melissa and liz a lot lately. i want them all to come visit. but on the plus side i actually have some friends here. i work with them but they are people that i can actually hang out with outside work. dave reminds me of my brother and i remind him of his sister. the funny thing is we actually already have a brother/sister relationship. and danielle is another girl i work with and she's a lot of fun. she reminds me of stef and i get along with her just like i get along with stef. so yay! i have friends here. it makes me happy because the people that i go to school with aren't the most friendly people. don't get me wrong there have been cool people in all of my classes so far but i guess they just don't want or don't have time for any new friends. what am i talking about? i'm sorry i'm just rambling and writing just about whatever is popping up in my head...sorry.

21 days till i go to vermont and 20 days till this quarter is over. i'm so excited to get to vermont. although john and i are driving and that's not going to be too much fun. i think we might stop in new jersey and spend a night at my parents then go to vermont. i'm just so excited to get back to the east. i don't know what it is about the east. even in new jersey i really felt home and i had never even been there before. it's wierd i know. i just wish someday i'll move back there for good and i hope john will come with me.

well it's almost two and that means i need to get ready for work.

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

oh how she rocks in keds and tube socks

2005-03-28T16:52:59Z

i haven't actually written anything in here in such a long time. sorry to the few people who read this but i've been busy and computer was getting it's ass kicked by a virus. but good thing is that i finally got rid of it and my computer is okay again. i'm at school right now. today is the first day of spring quarter. my psych class should be fun except for the fact that we have a seating chart and i am in the back corner of the room. i don't like that considering that i was front and center when i first went in there. oh well i'll live i guess. i just need to get my glasses asap. there is a girl sitting across from me and her shirt says "nothin wrong with a little junk in the trunk." this makes me a little upset considering the fact that i could probably break her with my pinky. my next class doesn't start till 1. it sucks that i couldn't schedule classes closer together for monday and wednesdays. i have a two and a half hour break. i guess on days that john doesn't have work then maybe i'll go home but maybe just maybe i'll be writing in this more often for lack of anything better to do. speaking of things to do i have a whole lot of shit that i need to get done today. i have to go grocery shopping and go to the toyota place and go to my store and go to the bank and i also have to buy my books. i could be buying my books right now or going to the bank because there is a bank one not far away but i don't want to lose my stellar parking spot. i don't want to come back and have to park 3 miles away. stupid first day and people actually going to class. the parking lots are always so much more full on the first day and during exam week. the guy sitting next to me is so annoying. he's looking at cars that are like 100,000 dollars and saying that he's going to get one like next year. yeah right. i thnk he's just doing it to impress the girl sitting next to him. sometimes people really annoy me. okay so, i am applying to best buy today because i only have 17 hours at work this week...again. i told my managers that if i didn't get 20 or more hours a week i was going to get a new job. so, i am going to be true to my word and try and get a job that i can work and make more money. pretty soon the commission is going to suck anyways and i don't want to count on something that i can't control anymore. i had a good time in new jersey visiting my family. and new york was a lot of fun even though it was raining and snowing and sleeting bascially all at the same time it was fun. i can't wait till the fourth of july weekend in vermont. i'm hoping i will have a break from school. i don't know yet if i really want to take classes during the summer though. i guess i'll have to decide when we get there and see if i'm totally burnt out or not. maybe i'll just take a week or so off to go to vermont then i'll just work before the fall semester starts. i'll figure it out i guess. okay i'm going to go now and maybe find something to eat because i'm starving. later taters!

firedancer165 @ 2005-03-20T08:00:00

2005-03-20T14:00:37Z

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

i have miles to go before i sleep...

2005-02-14T16:09:22Z

i love having the stomach flu. i love the fact that i haven't been able to keep down anything in the past 4 days. that's awesome. i can't even eat saltine crackers! now that's sad. my stomach hates me and i hate my stomach. the only good thing to come out of this sickness is that i got a whole weekend off because i called in to work on saturday. yeah that was fun because when i called the loud mouth bitch was the one who answered and she yelled at me because i called in too late even though i called the second my store opened. whatever, bitch. i want a new job. i will start applying today.

on another note today is valentine's day and i hate it. i can't stand valentine's day. and i know what you are all thinking, you're thinking oh you shouldn't hate valentine's day because you have someone to spend it with but no i still hate it. i don't know why either. i think it's because it's so fake and superficial. it's not a real holiday to me, it never has been. i don't think you should have a certain day that you celebrate your love. i think it should be everyday. you should appreciate the person you love everyday. i don't know. that's my take on it. i'm sure john is pretty happy with that because i've made it very clear to him that he doesn't have to do anything special on valentine's day.

i'm excited to go to michigan and see friends. yay!!! i miss people so much. and i'm sick of not understanding half the people that i come across here. i wish people would learn the language that they are subjected to everyday. if you move to france learn french, if you move to japan learn japanese, if you move to the united states learn english. i know that may seem ignorant to some people but i really have tried to be patient and learn some spanish but i get so sick of the people who know absolutely no english whatsoever. some people try to ask for a shoe size and they don't even know any numbers. ah! okay i'm done with that rant.

okay i'm going to go now and drink my ginger ale (not vernors!!!!) and talk to stef and do some homework.

p.s. i feel like stef today because i'm pissy and cynical.

firedancer165 @ 2005-02-12T11:42:00

2005-02-12T17:42:02Z

i'm waiting for my real life to begin...

2005-02-07T15:23:59Z

Bold the things that apply to you.

i have a cell phone.
i have friends that use me
i am an only child.
i am a shopoholic.
i love dangly earrings.
i love cold weather.
i'm obsessed with the computer.
i have shot a gun before.
i can't live without music.
i have no tolerance of ignorant people.
i have ridden on a motorcycle before.
i have been kissed by a member of the opposite sex
i have been kissed by a member of the same sex
i'll be in this town forever.
i've been to 5 other countries.
i get annoyed easily.
i eventually want kids.
i have neat handwriting.
i have more than a few horrible memories.
i am addicted to chocolate.
i am an atheist.
my parents are strict.
i love airplane rides.
i love taking pictures.
i hate people who are fake.
i can be mean when i want to.
my parents care about my grades.
one of my best friends is a guy.
i have way too many purses.
i'm obsessed with lip gloss.
i am easy to talk to.
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily.
i hate when people are late.
i procrastinate.
i love winter.
i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
i love to sleep.
i wish i were smarter.
i'm afraid of flying.
i hate drama.
i bite my nails.
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents.
i love the beach.
i have never had the chicken pox.
i have gone out in public in my pajamas.
i can't control my emotions.
i have a best friend.
i have moved more than once.
i truly love my friends.
i have braces.
i have never broken a bone.
i hate my computer.
i love guys that play the drums.
i state the obvious.
i'm a happy person.
i love to dance.
i love to sing.
i love cleaning my room.
i tend to get jealous very easily.
i love cute underwear.
i love night better than day
i don't like to study for tests.
i have been on the phone for over 5 hours.
i am too forgiving.
i have horrible sense in direction.
i miss elementary school.
i'm a daddy's girl.
i love kisses on my forehead.
i love the color pink.
i love to sew.
my eye color changes.
i should see a therapist.
i played on a guys sports team.
i become stressed easily.
i hate liars.
i like comfy sweatpants.
i can play the piano.
i love the smell of rain.
i love my family.
i hate needles.
i am a perfectionist.
i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
i hate the feeling of failure.
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook.
i can be quite selfish.
at times, i still act like a little kid.
i have food allergies.
i love to read.
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.
i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
i hate being alone sometimes.
i love summer.
i love the weekends.
i love black eyeliner.
i think im pretty.
i type with one hand.
i live in a one story house.
i wear make-up.
i have never rode on an underground subway.
i can't swim.
i have bad memories.
i go to church.
i sing in the shower.
i have never been camping.
i hate cheerleaders.
i usually get what i want.
i have been on stage before.
i love roller coasters.
no one knows my full story of my life.
i am close with my parents.
i don't have a curfew
i've been in love before
i'm in love right now

well that was kinda fun. i am so tired. i've been so busy lately i've hardly had any time to sleep. school is really taking it's toll on me. every day it's hours upon hours of homework and i've been working a lot more because i'm like the only one that my manager can depend on. i worked thursday, friday, saturday and sunday. that's like 30 hours in 4 days, and i had school. and yesterday shoaib called in so i had to work open to close. i'm sorry i guess i'm just ranting. i sign up for classes for spring quarter on the 10th. that's exciting. i'm definetly not taking such hard classes as this quarter. i'm going to take a culinary class and maybe just one more. i'm not really sure yet. but on to good news. i'm going to michigan february 26th and 27th for my birthday!!! i'm pretty excited. and then for my break between classes march 20-march 28th i'm going to visit my parents in new jersey. and pat has his spring break then as well. i'm so excited! i think we are going to go into new york city and hang out for a day and maybe see a show or two. it will be fun and i sure will welcome the break from such a crazy busy hard couple months. i found a new singer i love. his name is colin hay and he's great. okay, that is all.

''if i lived till i could no longer climb my stairs, i just don't think i'll ever get over you..."

joe and rosalita...

2005-01-20T22:00:51Z

...look'em up in the year book
Even then they had that wild-in-love crazy look
Joe's car on Friday night, after the ball game
Steam so thick on the windows
They could write their names
They'd fight like cats and dogs outside of homeroom
See'em hangin' all over each other that same afternoon

Joe and Rosalita
Ball-cap, good-ole boy and brown-eyed senorita
Rocked this town like no one's ever done
'Round here they're known as the legends of love

Old Mr.Rosenbaum kicked'em out of the Senior Prom
Busted for dirty dancin'
Sent him home and he called her mom
Pulled the old pillow trick, and they both snuck out
Showed up two days later still in a tux and a prom gown
Got married on the steps outside the courthouse
Called it the great escape, people still talk about it now

Joe and Rosalita
Ball-cap, good-ole boy and brown-eyed senorita
Rocked this town like no one's ever done
'Round here they're known as the legends of love

Rosalita is still a rose
Now it's been 10 years for Rose and Joe
Now sometimes you see'em cruisin' down Main Street
Still got his arm around her, two kids in the backseat
They book a babysitter to go out on Friday
Sometimes they never even make it out of the driveway

Joe and Rosalita
Ball-cap, good-ole boy and brown-eyed senorita
Rocked this town like no one's ever done
'Round here they're known as the legends of love

oh man what a funny song. okay so, this update was supposed to be one where i would say nice little things to people because i haven't talk to them for so long. but i don't have enough time because i have to work tonight and i still have to study.

Stef: i have been trying to call you for like a month now and i still haven't talked to you. i don't care if you call me from but call me damnit!

so yeah...that's the only one i've got right now. but the next update will have little notes to the following people, stef, liz, melissa, faustine, and probably christina.

i have a story. one day when i was in the car with my brother and his girlfriend. michela (pat's girlfriend) decided to share with me that she admired paris hilton. pat and i laughed really hard because well i thought it was a joke but no she really was serious. that kind of made me want to hit her. i bring this up because last night i saw this thing on tv that was the fabulous life of paris hilton and it basically showed how absolutely spoiled this girl is. she doesn't pay for anything! she's that insanely rich and people just give her shit for free. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i really do have no respect for heiresses. also i think it's funny that michela admires paris hilton. sorry that was a shitty story but i'm done now.

i have another story. yesterday when i was in my history class my teacher was talking about unions and she started talking about michigan and how they used to be a huge union state and now they don't have any unions at all anymore. i was like, um okay...no. so she asked if anyone had anything else to add and i raised my hand and told her that there were still unions in michigan and she just dismissed me like i was stupid and i had no idea what i was talking about. she was like "yeah well no they don't." i couldn't believe it! and i wasn't the only person she's done that to. she would rather be right even if her information is wrong. what kind of teaching method is that. oh and in that same class we were talking about racism and she was talking about a town around here i think roselle maybe and she was saying that she heard of someone black driving through that town and the only reason they got pulled over was because they were black. so then a kid in my class was saying that he lives in roselle and it's mostly made up of hispanic people and my teacher told him he was wrong. i'm sorry i guess i'm just venting. i don't really like her but oh well.

okay i'm done with this it's time to get ready for work. horray i get to see alicia!!!

p.s. stef call me! if i don't pick up then leave me a message and give me a phone number so that i can call you.

some guys just can't hold their arsenic...

2005-01-08T00:01:33Z

Horatio Buffalo (4:28:58 PM): Haha, like my screen name? If you know where the buffalo is you can keep him, but I'm getting a hint from Faustine that it may be at her house. However, she can't have it!!! She is a stuffed animal whore!!

haha chris bond you just made my day!

well that's really the only reason i'm updating right now. i don't have much to say other than it snowed here in the last two days. it snowed a lot. it took me about 15 or 20 minutes today to clean my car off and then it took me like 10 minutes to actually get out of my parking spot. we should get a shovel. and after i got my car out i went and got gas then on my way to school i discovered a dunkin donuts in wheaton. needless to say, i will be going to school via wheaton from now on. my physics class is awesome. my professor reminds me of mr. taylor and he wears a dorky homemade sweater and he's a star trek and star wars freak. i'm not saying it's a bad thing, i like it. okay that's enough of talking about school. i'm going to go play around with my ipod some more now. later everyone.

oh yeah!!! stef i have been trying to call you for like 2 weeks now and i can't get through. so if you ever read this then you should call me because i want to talk to you.

i'm leaving on a jet plane...

2004-12-21T18:00:43Z

i will be leaving on a jet plane very very soon. i leave in three days and i have so much to do this week. i have to do all of my laundry tomorrow so that a) i have something to wear to work and b) so i have clean clothes to pack, not dirty. i have to finish my mom's christmas present, i have to go to the library and turn in my books and buy my books for next semester. damn! that's going to be so much money that i quite frankly don't have. oh well i guess it'll all be okay. i'm so excited to go home for christmas. i'm going to miss john and i feel bad that he'll be here by himself for so long but i'm still excited. i don't think we have a christmas tree in vermont though. that sucks. oh well. i'll see a christmas tree when i go to my grandparents. i'll get to see pat play hockey again as well. i haven't seen him play in so long!!! i'm excited even though my parents told me that he's not playing that much it'll still be fun and i can't wait! yesterday i was looking at my pictures from camp and i realized how much i miss all of those people. i wish i could go to mikey b's house tomorrow but it's supposed to snow on thursday and i don't want to risk being late for work because i'm driving through a snow storm. hopefully i'll get to work for at least a week next summer or even if i can go visit it guess that'll have to be good enough. work is going to be so horrible tonight! i work 3-11 and it's going to be so dead but pat is going to be there so i'm sure that he'll make us bar lace every single shoe and then when we are done with that we'll probably have to clearance out a bunch of shoes. gah! it's going to be so boring!!! i don't want to go! oh! here is a good thing about work though. sunday when i was done with my shift i went down and bought two pairs of shoes for 3 dollars each. they are my new favorite shoes because i got them for 3 bucks!! and they are originally 40! that's so awesome!! they were 65% off the original price then 20% off of that because of my discount then i had a ten dollar off coupon for them. dave got pissed at me though he said that i was wasting his time because he was getting about half a cent commission on them. haha it was fun. oh i also saw terminal the other day. it was a really good movie and because i'm such a loser i cried at the beginning and a lot through the whole movie. but that's okay because it was cute and it was tom hanks and he is the greatest. okay i have to go shower and go to the bank now.

we were born before the wind...

2004-12-12T00:49:22Z

i never know where to start when i write in this anymore. maybe that's why i write like twice a month, or maybe i'm just busy. i finished school this week and i thought that i would be stress free until next semester but i find myself almost as stressed as i was the few weeks leading up to finals. today when i got out of work i was driving home and everything just frustrated me so much. and i just feel so annoyed, frustrated and stressed out today. it makes me sad that at work people are surprised when i'm nice to them. the people around here are so rude and unfriendly. today at work i met a lady from owosso and she said that same thing about the people. i'm also frustrated at all the people who don't speak any english whatsoever and then they get pissed at you when you don't speak their language even though you are just trying to help them. i'm sad that i have about twenty dollars in my bank account that has to last me until my next paycheck. i'm sad that my parents live so far away from me because i miss them so much and i never ever want to live so far away from them again. i'm sad that i didn't realize how much i truely love and respect my parents until we moved hundreds of miles away from each other. i'm happy that i'll always have john because i don't know what i would do without him. i'm happy that dave from work makes me laugh so hard and thinks i'm funny. i'm frustrated because i feel like a bad friend. i'm worried because someday john and i are going to have to decide if we want to live in michigan or in new england. one of us is going to have to make a huge sacrifice. i miss all of the songs that erin nicole used to play and sing horribly to. i miss living with erin and becky, they were always so much fun. i wish i could sleep at night. sometimes when i have a really bad headache i'll take a tylenol pm right before bed. those are the only nights that i sleep through the night. there has to be something wrong. maybe i should go see a psychologist again. maybe that would help me sleep and be less stressed and maybe that would help with my mood swings. who knows... i think i did well in school this semester. and if i failed every class i will still be proud of myself because of how hard i worked and how i overcame the feelings of being a failure. i just want to make my parents proud because they deserve it. okay i'm done with this entry. sorry it's so random. i just needed to get some things off my mind. it's nap time.

...and i'll be on the sidelines,
with my hands tied,
watching the show...
~ani difranco

i have miles to go before i sleep...

2004-11-29T16:00:12Z

i love robert frost. he's simply wonderful and just about everything of his reminds me of vermont.

speaking of vermont, i had a lovely time over the thanksgiving break. spent much needed time with my family and even got to see some aunts and uncles and a cousin and the grandparents. yay! i must remember though that when i go to connecticut i have to take a bigger suitcast than i would actually need because i always end up going home with so much stuff. my grandmother gave me a few scarves and a shawl and then when i went to her store she just gave me enough stuff to make 4 scarves. i'm not complaining though. i love free stuff.

i saw finding neverland yesterday. it was really really good. everyone should go and see it because i'm sure everyone will like it.

i heard from someone that people are saying that john and i are engaged. we aren't. we are much too young to get married and quite frankly much too poor. so no we are not engaged and i would really appreciate whoever started saying that to stop. thanks.

i don't want to go to school today! 6 hours of being bored and not talking to anyone. ah!!! i can't do it!!! actually it's really not bad except for math. that's really the only class that i really hate going to. the others i actually like. i am also going to have so much homework to do tonight. i am the worst procrastinator. i shouldn't have held off all break to do my homework.

i can't believe it's almost december already. let's hope that i start getting more hours at work. oh and speaking of work, i am a little bit pissed off at my managers. they didn't schedule me at all this weekend. it was the busiest weekend of the year and they didn't schedule me at all. so then i looked at my schedule for next week and my manager scheduled me on wednesday. when i started working there i told him that i couldn't work at all on wednesdays and mondays. but he scheduled me anyways. gah! i miss melinda. when ralph schedules people on days that they abosolutely cannot work he just says, "well, find a way to be here." ummm sorry but i have class and i'm not going to just skip class. augh! enough about work.

when i was in vermont on thanksgiving break i went to the castleton state college campus and looked around. i was so nice! the campus is so small and pretty and i love it. there wasn't anyone there though because it was wednesday and apparently they didn't have any classes. i think i'm going to call this week and see if i can talk to an admissions person. i'll ask if it's better to have an associate's or just a bunch of transferable credits.

i'm thirsty. i want some water.

My Sorrow, when she's here with me,
Thinks these dark days of autumn rain
Are beautiful as days can be;
She loves the bare, the withered tree;
She walks the sodden pasture lane.

Her pleasure will not let me stay.
She talks and I am fain to list:
She's glad the birds are gone away,
She's glad her simple worsted grey
Is silver now with clinging mist.

The desolate, deserted trees,
The faded earth, the heavy sky,
The beauties she so truly sees,
She thinks I have no eye for these,
And vexes me for reason why.

Not yesterday I learned to know
The love of bare November days
Before the coming of the snow,
But it were vain to tell her so,
And they are better for her praise.
~Robert Frost

yeah but what about when it gets in the no's?

2004-11-17T05:21:52Z

1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME (Name of first pet / First street you lived on): jackie broadbrook that's not actually the first street i lived on. that's just the first place i actually remember living so i just put that. i didn't know the street name.
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME (Name of your favorite snack food / Grandfather's first name): popcorn robert
3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME (First word you see on your left / Favorite restaurant): columbia friendly's
4. EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS (Favorite Spice / Last Foreign Vacation Spot): cinnamon paris
5. SOCIALITE ALIAS (Silliest Childhood Nickname / Town Where You First Partied): beany flushing
6. "FLY Girl" ALIAS (a la J. Lo) (First Initial / First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name): C-Bel
7. ICON ALIAS (Something Sweet Within Sight / Any Liquid in Your Kitchen): lollipop egg nog
8. DETECTIVE ALIAS (Favorite Baby Animal / Where You Went to High School): duck flushing
9. BARFLY ALIAS (Last Snack Food You Ate / Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink): pineapple mikes sorry...i don't really drink...at all.
10. SOAP OPERA ALIAS (Middle Name / Street Where You Live): marie gundersen
11. ROCK STAR ALIAS (Favorite Candy / Last Name Of Favorite Musician): starburst sinatra

well that was fun. i think it's funny that my childhood nickname is the nickname that so many of my friends gave me. i also think it's funny that i have absolutely no idea what the first road i lived on was. oh wait no that's not funny. it's sad. eh oh well. i watched gilmore girls and elf tonight as a break from studying and homework and whatnot. tomorrow my break is going to be laundry! i'm so excited! i have two tests tomorrow. wish me luck! i should do well. i hope. i signed up for classes for next semester the other day. i'm taking physics and math and something else...i forgot. i think maybe history. i'm excited! woo learning!!!

today i had a really good day in class. we talked about filial relationships. it was interesting. i think if my parents ever asked me to take them in then i would do it. if they needed a lot of medical help then i would think it would be better for them to be in a home but if they are in good health then i guess i don't see much of a problem with it if you are capable of taking them in. i guess i just feel that my parents gave me so much that i owe them in a way. i don't think they would ever ask for all that they've given me back but out of respect for them and gratitude i guess i would just want to do anything i can for them. there was an article in my ethics book and it was a woman who wrote about her three very successful doctor children. she said that she and her husband were bankrupt because of the kids schools and weddings and she went to the kids to ask for help and they just told her to file bankrupcy and move into a small apartment. i think that's horrible. but i don't want to offend people who think otherwise so i am going to stop.

i saw bridget jones edge of reason on saturday. it was so funny and wonderful. i already can't wait till it comes out of dvd and i want to see it again in the theater. if you liked the first movie then go and see this one. it's great!!!

i'm talking to liz and she is going to come visit and then i told her that she needs to bring melissa with her. because that would be a lot of fun.

someone is cooking food. it smells funny. it's late. wierd.

okay i'm done. i'm sleepy. g'night!

shadows are my friends and the light hits my face...

2004-11-13T10:37:21Z

...it hides behind the clouds in its institute of grace and our children warm their beds with dreams of growing old but deception has run rampant and their futures have been mistold...

so yeah, it's 4 in the morning and i have no idea why i am awake. i woke up at about 3 and i just haven't been able to get back to sleep because my mind has been absolutely racing. all i've been able to think about is my research paper and my moral situation paper and my upcoming political science test. i'm very nervous about all 3. the test is wednesday and the papers are both due the 22nd. so yes, i have a lot of work to do in the next week. this weekend is going to be just work and homework. fun fun. i'm supposed to meet john's friend charlie on sunday but i don't know if i'll want to do that for fear of not finishing my papers. i know that i will get them done i'm just sick of the stress that school has put on me this semester. but i'm sure that i will do very well on both of the papers, i'm confident about writing papers so yay!!! the test on the other hand i'm a little nervous about. basically it's going to be about 12 essay questions. eek!!! okay, enough about school...

i don't have much to write, my life is boring...

when i woke up today my glands behind my ears and on my neck were all swollen. they still are, and they hurt. that's fun! i'm not feeling so great and i have to work 6 hours today. awesome! it's a good thing that last weekend both saturday and sunday i made about $15 an hour. yay commission!!! i hope it's busy this weekend. if it is my next paycheck is going to rock!

i've finalized my plans for thanksgiving week. monday i'm going to class at 1 just to turn in my paper and leave then i'm driving to the airport and flying into albany new york where my dad will pick me up on his way to vermont. so then we are going to spend monday night in vermont and tuesday morning we are going to get up and drive to massachusetts to watch pat's hockey practice and pick him up to go to vermont. then wednesday we are going to celebrate thanksgiving by going out to a nice dinner and then thursday morning i'll fly home and spend actual thanksgiving with john because he can't make it home because of work. i'm so excited! i can't wait to see pat and his school. my parents have been telling me that i must see his school because it's absolutely gorgeous and the typical new england prep school. i'm so excited that i've been counting down the days till i leave.

i was in sam's on thursday and there was a big sign that said "44 days till christmas!" i just thought i would mention that because now there are 42 days and i still feel like i have a few months until i even have to start thinking about christmas. don't get me wrong, i love christmas it's just a really hectic season. i guess i should start talking to my manager about taking a week off after christmas. i shouldn't have much of a problem. ralph likes me, but melinda isn't our supervisor anymore. that makes me sad because i know she would have given it to me because she knows that i miss my family and that they are all back east. eh oh well, i've been top three in sales for the past month and a half so they should give me some time off. speaking of top three in sales...i've been getting more hours because my sales are good. yay!!! and i should be taking alicia's tuesdays every week. that'll boost me to about 22 hours a week. i'm so excited!

okay i really don't have anything else to write and i should probably try to get back to sleep at some point so i don't die at work. have a good day everyone!

i just love this song! he needs to make more now!

Just put me in the car
And drive so far
Until I'm free again
And whisper in my ear
That all these years
I've been dreaming
Then you kiss me goodnight
And it'll be all right
It'll be all right
It'll be all right
It'll be all that I have ever asked of you

i will not bend, i will not break...

2004-11-03T16:56:29Z

i'm in a wierd mood today.

i don't want to go to political science today and hear the majority of that class talk about how they are so happy that bush won because he's such a great president. great president my ass. i didn't think kerry was going to win but after such a close race i am very upset that he didn't. well i guess we are just going to have to suffer through another 4 years. sorry to those who like bush, i don't want to offend you. i'm just saying that i really don't like him. but if you do, then that's cool too.

i'm kind of sad today. i can't wait till thanksgiving. i miss my family a ton. and i want to go to vermont so badly. i miss my friends a lot right now too. i want to hang out with melissa. it's been forever but for some reason i really miss her right now. and stef and liz and beth. hmm...i don't know.

i have a math test today and a math project to turn in. i've decided that i don't like that class one bit. we have a test like every week. and she doesn't even really teach!!! but i have a b in the class so i guess i shouldn't really be complaining all that much. but still, it's starting to get hard. i'm beginning to really stress about school. i'm worried about my political science class. the only grades we get are from 2 tests and one paper. i did pretty bad on the first test so basically i have to do really really well on the next test and on the paper to get a good grade. in my ethics class i'm not too worried but right now i have like a b and if a get one bad grade then i'm screwed. i'm just going to have to keep getting a's on everything in that class. and in my math class the tests are getting harder and i don't really learn anything from going to class everyday. needless to say, i'm worried. but i'm working my ass off so i guess that's all that can be asked of me.

i've decided that i want to go to vermont to finish up school for sure. i can't wait till next winter when i get my associate's so that i can move out there right away.

this weekend is going to suck. i'm going to have a ton of homework to do and i work 9 hours on saturday. and i'll most likely work about 7 or 8 on sunday. the store is going to be open from 7-11 on saturday for a huge sale or something. just about everyone in the store is working that day. kill me now! at least i should probably get pretty good commission.

okay i really don't have much else to write. i'm going to go study for math a little bit more now! later!

...carry this picture for luck, kept in a locket, tucked in your collar, close to your chest. make it a secret shown to the closest friends...

stolen from andrea

2004-10-29T22:47:34Z

Write 20 things to different people that you have never told them. They can be 20 different people or a few. Don't say who each one is for.

1. i miss you a lot but i'm glad that we talk almost everyday.
2. i wish things were easier for you. i would give you anything if you ever needed it.
3. it makes me happy that you know everything about me.
4. i like that you always know what i'm thinking.
5. i wish that you could see just how much everyone loves you.
6. i miss living right down the road from you and going to your house whenever i needed comfort.
7. it makes me sad that we don't talk as much anymore, but it makes me happy that i'll always have you for a big sister.
8. i'm sorry that you hate me so much, but i really didn't do all the things you think i did. i thought you were my friend, i guess i was wrong.
9. i wish you would start acting your age. you're so smart but you need to start living life for yourself not for everyone else. just be yourself.
10. you are the one person i truly hate. you're a bitch and you need to stop craving attention so much, you're only making enemies.
11. it makes me happy to see you so happy.
12. i'm sorry for what i did to you. i was wrong.
13. not only were you my best friend in high school but you really shaped who i am today. thank you.
14. i miss you and the was mrs. harshfield always used to confuse our names.
15. thank you for always being there for me.
16. thank you for always giving me confidence when i really needed it.
17. i want to you figure out what you want to do so you can be truly happy.
18. why are you so mean?
19. i miss you and i wish we talked more, but i'm glad that you have someone who makes you so happy.
20. please be more open minded, it would be good for you.

well that was fun!
i should get back to my laundry now!

so much on my mind...

2004-10-27T21:12:20Z

to the few people who read this, i'm sorry it's been a while since i've really updated. i've been sort of busy with work and school and then homework and stuff. i've also been busy trying to figure out where i want to go to school when i get my associate's. i've narrowed it down to eastern michigan or castleton state college. i think right now my first choice is castleton state. it's in vermont so that's the only reason why it might suck. i would miss michigan and all of my friends so much and it would be for a few years that i would go there. but i could always visit and stuff. but yeah, if i went to castleton state i would live in my parents house out there and that would save a bunch of money. my parents wouldn't live there with me but they would still be close enough so that i could see them on weekends and all holidays. i could see my brother play hockey, that i'm excited about because i haven't seen him play in over a year. and it's a good school and they do have a great special ed progam which i've decided that i am for sure doing. i decided that i want to work at a place like marion crause. my cousin's wife went to castleton state and went through the special ed program and she does what i want to do and she has her masters from there also. so i can ask her all about that and find out how long it took her and all of the details and whatnot. if i went to eastern that would be cool because that is most likely where liz is going to go and they also have a good special ed program. but i would have to live in another apartment in another place that i know for sure i don't want to settle down in. eastern is more expensive i believe and i would also have an apartment to pay for. i would be a whole lot closer to all of my friends but i would still be wicked far away from my family who i really do miss so much. so yeah, they both have their pros and cons, i'm just going to have to figure out where i want to go. and after i figure that out i have to figure out when i'm going to go. idealy i would like to start in the fall of 2006. that should give me more than enough time to get my associates here and it might acutally give me a little time to work full time somewhere before i started going to school at a different place. who knows what is going to happen though. i have to do really well this semester first. that 3.0 is looking kind of difficult right now. but i'm going to work as hard as i possibly can to get it. i just don't want to be a failure at something else because that's not a very good confidence booster.
on to a different subject, the guy next to me is driving me crazy. he's talking really loudly and we are in the library. libraries are for being quiet asshole! sorry, i'm not in the greatest of moods this week. today is my first full day of classes. monday my poli sci class was cancelled and yesterday i didn't go to class because i felt so sick.
i want to go to the grocery store and get some apples. actually, i want to go to vermont to get some apples. and maybe some friendly's...mmmmm... friendly's ice cream so good!
someone please leave a comment and tell me if you think it's a dumb idea to go to school in vermont or if it's a smart idea. or if you think it would be more practical to go to eastern.
the people at this school kind of piss me off. today i was in a lecture given by this really famous writer and yeah it was about the most boring thing in the world but these two girls in front of me were writing notes to each other in a notebook. i wanted to punch them in the face. no joke. and then there is this girl in my ethics class who dresses up and looks like she stepped out of a fashion magazine everyday. it's college!!! you are supposed to come to school in big sweatshirts and pajamas. all the girls here dress up like they are going to a club. it drives me insane. and most of the guys aren't any better. they all wear their stupid abercrombie and fitch shirts and pants and expensive shoes and they all look like they spent more time on their hair this morning than i did! i don't know. i guess i just don't get it.
today on my way to school i listened to christmas music. i know it's sad but i just couldn't help it. and besides it's good music. oh well, maybe i just won't break it out again till after thanksgiving. but who knows because that's like a month away! speaking of thanksgiving, i am so very excited about it! i get to go to vermont and see my whole family and my retarded a.d.d. dog! yay!!! i can't wait!
okay i think that's all for this entry, it's almost time for math class and i don't want to be late for that! we have a quiz today. horray! haha no. i hate math and i hate my stupid "all i like to do is write on the board" math teacher. anyways...later taters!

NAME: Christine Bellew
*Nick Names: stine, beany and teeny
*Location: carol stream, IL
*School: college of dupage
*Birthday: 02/28/1985

have you ever...
*been kissed: yes
*gone an extended time without shaving: yes but that's only if i don't have enough time to shave
*eaten an entire box of oreo's: no but i want to but then i would get sick
*been on stage: many times
*been unfaithful: of course not!
*been in a car accident: too many...
*hitchhiked: nooooo
*stayed home on Saturday night?? oh yes
*eaten kajmak: maybe?
*been in love: oh yes :)
*seen the Eiffel tower: yes and i even climed to the top and almost fainted because when you walk down the stairs are see through. now that's scary

Favorites...
*shampoo: dove
*soap: i don't really have a favorite soap
*tv show: gilmore girls and everybody loves raymond
*Character on Dawson's Creek: probably pacey and jack because they are the least annoying
*instrument: guitar, bass clarinet and bariton sax
*the place you feel the safest: vermont
*coffee or hot chocolate: depends on my mood
*big or little: umm big?
*tom cruise or brad pitt: brad pitt
*jeans or shorts: jeans or capris
*sweater or sweatshirt: hooded sweatshirts are the bulk of my wardrobe these days
*T-shirt or tank: T-shirt
*stripes or solids: solids
*wool or cotton: cotton
*rose or lily: lilly
*private school or public: it totally depends on the person
*chocolate milk or plain milk: mmm chocolate milk
*spring or fall: fall because of all the pretty colors
*your friends: all of my friends are great
*do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: why yes i do
*do you have a best friend: i have a couple
*do you have speed dial: it's one of my best friends
*who's your funniest friend: liz andrea beth and i when we are all together
*who's the shyest: I think people outgrow shyness by this age
*who has the best room: i don't know
*Who has the best car: eric

When Was The LAst TIme You....
*cried: yesterday because i was in so much pain
*eaten fluff: i actually just finished a peanut butter and fluff sandwich a couple minutes ago
*bought something: gas on my way home the other day
*not known the answer in class: monday
*worn a tie: never
*been mean: today...i was taking a test and people in the hall were really loud. i yelled.
*gone for a walk: today
*said "i love you": when i left for school today
*written a real letter: i don't even know
*written a paper: i'm working on one right now
*taken a test: today
*moved on: um...?
*given someone a present? i'm not sure exactly but i give lots of them
*had a serious talk: this morning
*hugged someone: this morning
*had a nightmare: i don't remember
*fought with your parent(s): a long time ago

Do you...
*wear eyeshadow/cologne: no eyeshadow but i wear perfume
*wear nail polish/jewelry: jewelry usually but no nail polish
*wear glasses: occasionally
*give high fives: yup
*like new kids on the block: um, no
*if you get a tattoo where would it be and what? i already have one. i don't want another
*Like michael jackson: old micheal yes
*when was the last time you showered: this morning
*What was the last thing u ate: peanut butter and fluff
*what are you wearing: jeans and stuff...geez
*are you hungry: no i am full!
*are you eating: no!
*are you talking to someone on line: yes, i'm talking to eric
*Are you ready for this survey to end: YES!
*do you hate someone: the people across the hall are getting very close to hatred
*do you like someone: i LIKE lots of people

would you know my name if i saw you in heaven?

2004-10-21T04:33:19Z

i'm updating because liz told me i had to. that's the only reason. i don't really like writing in this very much anymore unless it's to vent. it's good to just write your problems down and have people read them on thier own accord. i'm not happy right now. i don't know why. i think it's school though. i feel like i'm working my ass off for nothing. i studied so hard for my poli sci test last week and i still feel like i failed it. i really hope i didn't though. that would suck. i want to get a 3.0. not just because i have to for my parents to keep supporting me but because i want to prove to myself that i can do it. i know i'm smart i'm just not test smart. i think that's part of my problem. i can write a perfect 10 page paper and fail a test over the same stuff as the paper. i just don't get it and it's really starting to frustrate me. today i took a math test and i was doing really well and then all of a sudden i started getting all dizzy and shaky and my vision started to get all blury. i think my blood sugar was a little low. but yeah, i was almost done with the test and all of a sudden that happened and i just couldn't figure the rest of it out for the life of me. i was staring at the problem that i knew i knew how to do but i just couldn't do it. it was the wierdest thing. eh oh well, i still think i did pretty well on the test. okay well i think i'm going to go to bed now, sleep off this whole sad thing i've got going on right now. night everyone!